Jackademics

I know how important it is to have open lines of communication with your children's teachers. After all, they are like your child's second family. I just never expected that those lines would be so busy when it came to Jack!

I'm not saying that Jack is a bad student. Academics seem to have been the last thing his teacher and I have been discussing. Jack is just a continual source of amusement to us, his teachers, his classmates, and their families. "Jack from Canada" is well known at school. Though famous or infamous I'm not sure.....

The first time I got the call in Grade 1 was a bit of a sticky situation - literally. The class was doing an art project and Jack somehow glued his fingers together. Who knew glue sticks were that powerful? I don't know why he didn't just wash his hands or get his teacher's help. Boys' minds just work differently I guess. No, instead Jack and his friend decided - as only two 6 year old boys could - that the best course of action would be to cut his fingers apart. I asked Jack why he would let someone else near him with scissors. He claimed that after their first failed attempt he had expressed some doubts, but decided to go ahead anyway. Not surprisingly, his finger got cut. On his way back from getting a bandage at the office, he ran into the gym teacher who thought he looked a bit pale. (He did admittedly look a little Edward Cullen-ish, but do you know many redheads who aren't pasty white?) She asked him if he was o.k., to which he replied that he was going to explode. She took that to mean that he was going to spew everywhere. In actuality, it was just my dramatic son's way of saying that his heart was racing. (Probably from the sight of the blood - he is his mom's child). I got the call to pick him up from the school. No one wants a kid that's going to puke! The next day several curious moms wanted to know if the story of the glued fingers was true. I guess when they asked their kids "what happened at school today?" Jack's episode rated higher than the usual "nothing".

Not long after, I got an email from his teacher. She was trying to verify Jack's birthday for a class project they were doing. Jack was adamant that his birthday was in July but all of the school's documentation listed August. I replied back that his birthday was indeed in August. When I picked him up that day a laughing Miss Wilson beckoned me into the classroom. It seems that when she told Jack his birthday was in August he simply nodded his head and informed her that because of the time difference, his birthday was in July in Canada but August in Australia. Who knew there was an international birthdate line?

My latest chat with Miss Wilson was really quite hilarious, though embarrassing. It's not everyday that you get to discuss flatulence with your child's teacher. Apparently, the kids had been sitting quietly on the carpet listening to a story when Jack let out 3 (the # is subject to some debate) rather large, loud rippers. When the dismissal bell rang for the day, out ran one of Jack's friends, making a bee-line for me. Will couldn't wait to explain how Jack had been sent out of the classroom because he had "fluffed" 3 times. (I find it strange in a country where they bluntly call restrooms - the "toilet" - that kids here refer to "farts" as "fluffs. But I digress). Will's mom told me she had heard 5 fluffs when he was relaying the story to his family later that night. Luckily, Jack didn't actually get kicked out of the classroom. His teacher thought it best that he excuse himself and take a visit to the toilet, as he obviously had some stomach issues. Afterwards I clued into the fact that pepperoni and Gouda cheese sandwiches might not be the best lunch combination in the future - at least for the good of his classmates.

With 5 more months of school left I'm sure Miss Wilson and I will have many more conversations regarding my accidental comedian. I just hope she doesn't have to put me on speed dial!