Thursday, November 12, 2009

My New Boy Toy

I have a new "Boy Toy" in my life and he's really growing on me. He has a sexy, calming voice, a charming Australian accent, and he never takes the wrong tone with me. He's also very helpful and he forgives easily - on the odd occasion when I've done something wrong. He's really the ideal guy!

But, before anyone starts worrying about my marriage, I'll give you a hint - the new man in my life is "Lee" - a G.P.S. that Paul bought me for my birthday!

Being in a new city and having the added stress of driving on the other side of the road has made me very reliant on my G.P.S. navigational system. Sometimes, however, it's like being in an unhealthy co-dependant relationship! Particularly with my ex-G.P.S. "Karen".

Paul bought "Karen" when he first moved to Brisbane. Whenever I was a passenger in his car, Karen was always on her best behaviour. Paul would type in a destination and Karen would efficiently direct us there and back, with very little hassle. So, when Paul gave me his G.P.S. for my new car I was expecting the same great relationship.

I tried to make Karen feel at home in her new surroundings. I kept my car clean for her (it's true Mom!). I consulted her often. I thought we were friends. So, when she told me to take the main freeway to get to the kid's first karate school I obediently followed. Her route took me 75 minutes - far from the 20 minutes that Yahoo map had calculated. But, I gave her the benefit of the doubt and chalked it up to bad traffic.

Except then there started to be other small misdirections. And then some pretty big ones. Like insisting that I turn the wrong way down one-way streets, telling me that the mall I was looking for was on the left (in the river), setting a route to the kid's new karate school which had me trying to cross the equivalent of Glenmore Trail with no light and at rush hour! When I disobeyed her directions she would give me attitude. She'd snottily "RE-CALCULATE" and attempt to send me back into the exact same chaos! In the beginning I tried to remain calm and ignore her "passive-aggressive" tendencies, but that could only last for so long. I truly felt like she was out to get me!

In the last month, our friendship had deteriorated to name-calling. O.K., it was a little one-sided - but I felt her anger. Our relationship was to the point where I would only allow her to speak when I was really lost. Even then, I would often ignore her shrill "re-calculations" and continue on whatever path I thought was best until she finally had no choice but to agree. The situation required a drastic change.

Then, thankfully, along came my "Lee". Perhaps Paul was trying to save the children from hearing some "new" words while Mommy was driving, or maybe he wanted his precious "Karen" back, whatever the reason - we're back to being one big happy family.

Now, the only new name I've thought up for "Lee" is something that's o.k. to say in front of the kids. I've decided to re-name my boy toy "Hugh" - as in the sexy, Australian Hugh Jackman! Hey, the G.P.S. already has the accent, may as well put a face to it!


  1. Jenny - you're so lucky to have found a 'hugh' who treats you so well. I must have Karen's cousin right now. She was a hand-me-down from Jan, and I share her with my dad (not much use for one in the Koots... you just drive one way or the other down the highway). She can be reliable, but she also takes a snotty tone sometimes - to the point I've turned her voice off permanently. And then... she tried to make me drive into the river.

  2. hey, every smart girl neeeds a boy toy and if he listens to you, you've got it made!!!!!!!!!!!!! Say hi to Hugh for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!